Last week I spent a few rare moments scrolling through social media. I was looking for inspiration and ended up seeing people on the beach, at work or outside enjoying nature. Over the years, I have spent less time on social media because I walk away from my phone feeling irritation or sadness.
Last week, I watched a You Tube video by Priscilla Shirer called Let God Restore Your Circumstances https://youtu.be/HHRllMZKmlc?si=KFQ7UlET40QDqI8h. In the video, she talked about a woman who was successful in her job but was led by the Holy Spirit to leave. It was a frustrating, scary time for her and she ended up babysitting for several families. She not only watched over the children, but she shared bible stories with them, brought over casseroles for the families, and formed close bonds with the children and families. After a time, she asked God why she left a successful job to babysit. She was understandably frustrated and confused about her purpose. God answered her prayers by showing her the smiles on the children’s faces when she rang the doorbell and the importance of the moms and dads spending time away – she knew that her purpose was so much deeper than babysitting.
I left my job at a Title Insurance Company to take care of my boys. As they were growing older they started having difficulty having their needs met by daycare. They were needing more help getting ready in the mornings which made it increasingly difficult for me to get it all done by 8:00 a.m. Things were a little tight financially but the stress level in our home dropped dramatically.
I stayed home with the boys for over ten years. It was a blessing for us: I was able to meet the boys’ increased needs without hiring any help and I was able to be there 100 percent for all of their surgeries, doctor appointments, and trips out of town for MDA events or visiting family. My husband worked long hours so it was a huge blessing to be able to stay home and take care of the housework and the boys so he could rest. He was diagnosed in 2005 with a genetic heart condition and I wanted to take the load off of him as much as I could.
It wasn’t until a few years after my oldest son, Christian, passed away that I began to feel like a prisoner in my own home. All around me my family and friends were traveling to fun destinations and sending me photos or posting them on social media. I have always been genuinely happy for them, but I also began to question my purpose and grew tired of feeling like I was standing still while life continued to move forward for everyone else.
So many of my classmates are grandparents now. I made peace knowing that I would most likely not be a grandmother but I still feel left out when I see people my age spending time with cute wee ones.
Over the years, I have learned to appreciate the small miracles in my daily life. As a result, it doesn’t take much to amuse me. When I went on a walk with my precious friend, she was amazed at how much I noticed as we walked along the river – various birds that I could identify by sight or sound, tiny streams of water bubbling out of the rock or a beautiful wildflower in the middle of a patch of weeds. I am truly thankful for this gift from God. Have I really been cheated?
When I went to the funeral home to see my son the day before the service, I sat in the room alone with him and I talked to him. I realized how much of a blessing it was to be able to take care of one of God’s special children. We are all His special children but there is something miraculous in His children who smile and inspire others despite their declining health. I thanked Christian for the honor of being his mother for 21 years. I realized that I was chosen to be a mother of 2 beautiful boys.
Through my experiences in raising 2 sons with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and the experiences I continue to have with my youngest son, Andrew, I want to write a book about their condition that can guide other parents through this difficult journey. I want to take the mistakes I made and the things I have learned to help other families living with this disease as well as any other challenge their children may be facing.
I don’t have to travel the world to know that God has a plan and purpose for my life. All I need to do is look into my son’s eyes and hear the love in his voice when he calls me “Best Mom”. Will the book I want to write take 5 years? 10? What else has God chosen me for? As I walk with Him each day in trust, surrender, prayer, and by reading His Word, He will show me each day what I need to do to remember that I have been chosen.
