A Journey in Vinyl

I grew up in the age of vinyl.  My parents had 8 tracks and a player but I went straight for the vinyl.  I had my own little record player in my room.  I enjoyed listening to my Disney collection, Sesame Street Christmas, and 20 Power Hits albums.  My favorite songs off of the 20 Power Hits were Knock Three Times by Tony Orlando and Green Eyed Lady by Sugarloaf.  On my parent’s player downstairs, I listened to Creedence Clearwater Revival, Elton John and Wayne Newton.  I developed a crush on Wayne, as I listened to him and stared at his album cover.  This was before Bon Jovi came into the picture.

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8-track-shack.com

I remember the first cassette I bought – Look What the Cat Dragged In by Poison.  I was fascinated because the cassette was clear.  My all time favorite cassette was Def Leppard’s Hysteria.  That was the first album I ever bought the day it came out.  I also bought it on vinyl and I still own it.  By the time CD’s entered the picture, I didn’t own a record player and honestly didn’t think much about vinyl.  They were never in the stores and the only time I ever saw them was at my parent’s house.  The first time my boys saw my parent’s records, they came upstairs exclaiming “Look Mom!  Giant CD’s!”

A few years ago, my husband bought me a Music Hall record player for Christmas.  He also surprised me with a few new vinyls to start out with.  I was ecstatic!

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A few weeks ago, a friend of my husband revealed that he had a large collection of vinyl and he wouldn’t mind lending me a few at a time to listen to.  He had worked in a record store when he was young and since vinyl could be bought for less than $5 during that time, he ended up with quite a collection.  These past few weeks have been a musical journey through time.

I will never forget listening to David Bowie’s Young Americans.  David Bowie’s voice filled every room in my house.  Among the albums I have been blessed to hear so far are The Fox by Elton John, Dire Straits, Face Value by Phil Collins, Flat as a Pancake by Head East, Loggins and Messina, Dr. Hook, Foghat, Foreigner, and my favorite so far – Donald Fagen’s The Nightfly.  He told me Donald Fagen was a huge part of Steely Dan but I didn’t recognize any of the songs.  As soon as the needle dropped, I was almost out of my seat as I.G.Y. started playing.  If you are scatching your head and wondering what song that is, I almost bet if you start playing it on You Tube or Spotify you’ll say “I have heard that song!”  I loved that album so much that I bought a used copy of it from Amazon.

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Nothing compares to the sound of vinyl.  There is a rawness and a richness that I don’t hear when I play songs from my iTunes library.  Sadly, new vinyl is expensive – some albums costing over $30, however it is more worth the cost when they come with a free digital download.

Even if vinyl is not available, it is well worth it to join other people on their musical journeys as they grew up.  You may be surprised to hear a song you loved growing up!

A Tune in my Heart

After work today, I met my husband and son for dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant.  I think we all have one of those.  Our favorite restaurant serves authentic cuisine and  warm corn chips.  Afterward, they were off to play poker and I reluctantly headed home.  Alone isn’t a bad thing, but coming home to a quiet, empty house is a painful reminder of the loss.  Over Christian’s life, the most time he ever spent away from me was during MDA summer camp which lasted for a week.  When you care for a child with special needs, you develop a deeper connection, especially when you physically care for them 24/7.  When Christian passed away I felt like I was thrown into an alternate universe.  After 16 months I have become used to the new normal, but I still have moments when the realization that Christian isn’t with us makes my world turn on it’s side for a bit.  Over time the dizzying effect doesn’t last as long but it will never be easy, just bearable.

Almost every time I have found myself alone in the house missing my boy, I turn on the music.  Christian had so much passion for music.  He enjoyed 90’s rap like NAS, current rap like Wiz Khalifa and Kid Cudi, and classics such as the Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney.  He talked me into buying several vinyls during the last year of his life.  He encouraged me to buy the vinyl even though I had the CD because the quality would be worth it.  Christian even talked me into buying music that he knew I enjoyed but he didn’t much care for either way.  He grew to enjoy a lot of my favorite alternative bands like Interpol and Bare Hands.

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One of my prettier vinyls by Blondefire

They say that it changes a person when someone you love dies.  That is an understatement.  I felt hollowed out for the longest time and had to rediscover who I was.  I was a caregiver for both boys for over 10 years.  It took me weeks, even months, to stop setting out two sets of pills at mealtime.  Not all of the changes have been negative.  I would never have believed it if someone told me I would gain anything from losing someone who was as much a part of me as Christian was.

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I took this photo at Crystal Lake last summer.

When I see a beautiful sunset, I see so much more than what I used to see.  I see something amazing and holy.  I feel a stirring inside of me that I have never felt.  I see and feel God when I see the rays shining through the clouds, the chickadee in the pine tree, the beautiful pattern on the carpet at work from the sun shining through the window or when I see the stars in the sky.  I feel a joy inside that I can’t explain when I look at things that to another person, may seem like nothing.  It makes me feel guilty at times.  How can I have moments of joy after losing my son and watching Andrew deal with the same complications as Christian did?

When we lean on the Lord, the amazing happens.  The journey of grief is far from easy but we do not have to endure it alone.  God heals us.  God loves us.

As I listened to a song by Deathcab for Cutie, which Christian also enjoyed, I heard guitar melodies I didn’t hear before.  Music touches me at a deeper level, bringing me to tears or making me want to get up and dance (listen to Stolen Dance by Milky Chance and you’ll know what I mean).  Just knowing Christian and caring for him has given me a deep appreciation for life.  I want to reach out and help those who have lost a loved one and I pray and I cry for them.  I will not waste my pain.  Instead I will find a way to help in a way that I know Christian would be proud of.  I hope my posts offer a bit of hope and remind you that you are never alone.

 

 

Song of the week

Courtesy of yahoo.com

As I was on my way to Starbucks for a mocha latte and some book time, Waves by Blondefire played.  I heard this song when it first came out and I enjoyed the chorus and the upbeat melody.  Sirius XM Alt Nation started playing it frequently so I started hearing the lyrics:

 You hear them when you try to fall asleep

They crash to the shore, they come from the deep

As sure as the sun will rise, the sun will set

You taste the salt the closer you get

Waves
Picking you up

Pushing you down

They’re always around

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Just like dream

Silver and green

We live in between

They can carry you all the way to me
They can pull you out to the deep blue sea

Oh waves, there are waves

Empires will crumble to the sand
All that you love can slip through your hand

But you must face the ocean once again

Follow the tides, wherever you’ve been

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The meaning to this song for me has changed over the years.  At first I thought it explained life with it’s ups and down, good days and bad.  Go with the flow.  Once my oldest son passed away, the meaning became more personal.  We rode many waves, huge tidals or everyday waves in dealing with his Muscular Dystrophy.  So much felt like a dream and still does at times.  I have days when I feel close to him and days when I feel the tidal wave that took him away from me. 

Blondefire has positive, clean lyrics with mostly upbeat songs.  It’s hard to feel grumpy when I listen to them.  I hope you enjoy the music video.  Please feel free to comment if you feel a special connection to this awesome tune.

Hit me Like a Bomb

As I was preparing lunch this afternoon, Hit me Like a Bomb by Third Day came on.  Lyrics video From the first time I heard this song, which wasn’t too long after Christian passed away, the lyrics became personal.

You hit me like a bomb
And everything I’m used to
Is suddenly gone
Sorry to accuse you
Do you know what you’ve done
When you hit me like a bomb

Hear the sound of the sirens ringing
See the world of a life that’s changing
Well you hit me like a bomb
I was scared and I started running
Can’t say I never saw it coming
When you hit me like a bomb

(La la la la la la la la…)

You hit me like a bomb
Everything’s changing
It didn’t take long
For you to start rearranging
Everything that I’ve known
When you hit me like a bomb

(lyricsmode.com)

I knew Christian wasn’t doing well.  His overall health was declining rapidly over the last 6 months of his life, whether I wanted to see it or not.  We knew we had to take him to the doctor and probably the hospital, but we didn’t think we were going to lose him that night almost 10 months ago.  When I went into his room to wake him up for the day, I was hit by the biggest bomb ever.  Our life as we knew it – forever changed.

I lost my son, my best friend, my hero and my life as I knew it.  Everything changed, including how I looked at life.  Life is still changing, rearranging.  Everything I ever knew up to that point no longer mattered.

As time has moved on, we have been healing in our own ways but we will never be the same.  Christian made us appreciate the small things, even something as simple as seeing a bird outside of the window or a spot of sunlight on the wall.  Because of him, no matter how much the darkness enfolds me, I will NEVER give up.  I have moments when I feel angry and I question God about Christian’s pain and suffering.  I remind myself of God’s love, provision, mercy and grace so the anger isn’t able to fester and make me bitter.  I would rather heal and live the life Christian so much wanted to live but wasn’t able to.

This song by Third Day has a rock sound to it and plenty of energy.  Let me know what you think!