nature – The road less traveled

Cheated or Chosen?

Last week I spent a few rare moments scrolling through social media. I was looking for inspiration and ended up seeing people on the beach, at work or outside enjoying nature. Over the years, I have spent less time on social media because I walk away from my phone feeling irritation or sadness.

Last week, I watched a You Tube video by Priscilla Shirer called Let God Restore Your Circumstances https://youtu.be/HHRllMZKmlc?si=KFQ7UlET40QDqI8h. In the video, she talked about a woman who was successful in her job but was led by the Holy Spirit to leave. It was a frustrating, scary time for her and she ended up babysitting for several families. She not only watched over the children, but she shared bible stories with them, brought over casseroles for the families, and formed close bonds with the children and families. After a time, she asked God why she left a successful job to babysit. She was understandably frustrated and confused about her purpose. God answered her prayers by showing her the smiles on the children’s faces when she rang the doorbell and the importance of the moms and dads spending time away – she knew that her purpose was so much deeper than babysitting.

Illustration of a path through spring, summer, autumn, and winter landscapes

I left my job at a Title Insurance Company to take care of my boys. As they were growing older they started having difficulty having their needs met by daycare. They were needing more help getting ready in the mornings which made it increasingly difficult for me to get it all done by 8:00 a.m. Things were a little tight financially but the stress level in our home dropped dramatically.

I stayed home with the boys for over ten years. It was a blessing for us: I was able to meet the boys’ increased needs without hiring any help and I was able to be there 100 percent for all of their surgeries, doctor appointments, and trips out of town for MDA events or visiting family. My husband worked long hours so it was a huge blessing to be able to stay home and take care of the housework and the boys so he could rest. He was diagnosed in 2005 with a genetic heart condition and I wanted to take the load off of him as much as I could.

The boys always enjoyed the River’s Edge Trail

It wasn’t until a few years after my oldest son, Christian, passed away that I began to feel like a prisoner in my own home. All around me my family and friends were traveling to fun destinations and sending me photos or posting them on social media. I have always been genuinely happy for them, but I also began to question my purpose and grew tired of feeling like I was standing still while life continued to move forward for everyone else.

So many of my classmates are grandparents now. I made peace knowing that I would most likely not be a grandmother but I still feel left out when I see people my age spending time with cute wee ones.

Over the years, I have learned to appreciate the small miracles in my daily life. As a result, it doesn’t take much to amuse me. When I went on a walk with my precious friend, she was amazed at how much I noticed as we walked along the river – various birds that I could identify by sight or sound, tiny streams of water bubbling out of the rock or a beautiful wildflower in the middle of a patch of weeds. I am truly thankful for this gift from God. Have I really been cheated?

I have always found great joy taking photos in the flower garden at Gibson Park.

When I went to the funeral home to see my son the day before the service, I sat in the room alone with him and I talked to him. I realized how much of a blessing it was to be able to take care of one of God’s special children. We are all His special children but there is something miraculous in His children who smile and inspire others despite their declining health. I thanked Christian for the honor of being his mother for 21 years. I realized that I was chosen to be a mother of 2 beautiful boys.

Through my experiences in raising 2 sons with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and the experiences I continue to have with my youngest son, Andrew, I want to write a book about their condition that can guide other parents through this difficult journey. I want to take the mistakes I made and the things I have learned to help other families living with this disease as well as any other challenge their children may be facing.

I don’t have to travel the world to know that God has a plan and purpose for my life. All I need to do is look into my son’s eyes and hear the love in his voice when he calls me “Best Mom”. Will the book I want to write take 5 years? 10? What else has God chosen me for? As I walk with Him each day in trust, surrender, prayer, and by reading His Word, He will show me each day what I need to do to remember that I have been chosen.

Oh My Hair!

Great Falls is a windy city. When the wind is not blowing, one is liable to tip over from not having that constant head wind holding them up straight. Last summer was one of the worst fire seasons in the state of Montana. During the span of two months, the wind barely blew. It was hot, smokey, and most of us had to stay indoors most of the summer. I have never missed wind as much as I did during the summer of 2017.

We do not live very far from an oil refinery. Most days it smells like sulfur, oil, and all kinds of offensive things. Thanks to the wind, the smell does not carry over to our neighborhood most days. The wastewater treatment plant is a little further than the refinery but on days when the wind doesn’t blow and they are cleaning up some extra nasty waste, the smell makes its way over. Eww.

d928fafd2a2872bc10e918623c9a3ae5 — Lipglossip

When I was young, I used to complain about the wind because it messed up my hair. Thank goodness for Aqua Net. I used loads of it. We went on a picnic the other day and with each bite of food I took, I about ate a mouthful of hair too. It’s easy to complain about wind but most of the time I think about what it does for us.

Wind is a clean source of power, it cleans the air and makes the sky look bluer, it helps ships to sail, gives birds a break as they fly in place, flies kites, allows us to paraglide and surf, makes leaves rustle on trees, and helps us to cool off after a hot, summer day.

The-Shipping-Industry-Could-Re-evaluate-the-Benefits-of-Wind-Power-2 — Softpedia News

I don’t use Aqua Net anymore but I am also older and I accept that a perfect hair day is a rarity. I am thankful for tumbleweeds blowing across the prairie in the wind, hair in my face as we drive down the highway, and swaying trees so long as we do not blow away to Oz like Dorothy and Toto. Next time my hairstyle is ruined by the wind or I end up with dirt it my eye I will think about the positive side of wind.

Goodbye Old Cottonwood

When I went to visit Mom last month she asked me, “Did you see out back yet?” I said no and asked her why. “They finally cut that tree down,” she stated.

“What tree?” I asked as a feeling of dread began to bloom in my chest.

“The big one in the alley,” she replied, after which I went out the door to the backyard and all I could do was stare into the empty space of sky that was occupied by a massive cottonwood that towered over the houses at the top of the hill.

One of my favorite things about visiting Mom, along with talking with her over coffee of course, was listening the wind rustle the leaves of the cottonwood tree out back. I would sleep with the window open in the back room so I could wake up to the sound in the morning. If you do not have cottonwood trees in your area you may be able to find sound bits on YouTube of the wind fluttering the thick, sturdy leaves of the cottonwood tree.

Mom was relieved, along with her neighbors, to not have to clean up the leaves anymore. Being as hardy as they are, the leaves of a cottonwood do not curl up and fall apart like other leaves in the fall. They become flexible from moisture but do not disappear as easily as other leaves. I understand her decision when it came to the mess, but what about the shade it provided? Many trees still remain in her neighborhood but I did enjoy listening to the chickadees as they hopped from branch to branch overhead. “Doesn’t the beauty and shade of the tree outweigh the fall mess?” I thought.

Over the years, many trees have disappeared from our neighborhood. I do not judge however, because I have no idea how it is to be a senior and having to deal with the mess. I can be disappointed in the trees being gone, however. I went out front to sip on my coffee on the front steps and the sun blasted my face with it’s heat. A massive pine tree next door used to cover that area. This pine tree was so large and full of birds that my dad called it the “Bird Hotel.” Sparrows, finches, chickadees, robins, and doves lived there along with a few squirrels. Our neighbors were kind enough to wait until the fledglings were gone before they had the tree removed. The tree was gone in less than an hour. I was furious of course – not at my neighbors but at how short of a period of time something so massive could be destroyed.

We planted three trees in our yard in the summer of 2014. I am happy to say that they are growing quickly and we have a robin’s nest in one of them. We are able to enjoy the scent and beauty of the blooms every spring and the birds enjoy perching in them. With the summers becoming increasingly hotter I wanted to grow some shade for our home and provide a place for my feathered friends.

I don’t think we can ever plant too many trees. They are beautiful to look at and give us a place to sit under on sunny days. I am not a treehugger but I am thankful for God’s creation and the comfort and joy it provides man and bird alike.