Last August, my younger sister, Sherry, called me in a flurry of excitement.  Interpol was going to be playing in Denver September 27 at the Ogden Theatre!  I could hardly believe it and I also didn’t see how I could possibly pull this off.  With the boys’ needs I was lucky to go to the grocery store or run errands.  I had to fly.  This was a sticking point with me because I am not fond of flying and it would be for only one night.  I decided that I was not going.  My oldest son, Christian, kept encouraging me but I wouldn’t budge, especially since I would have to take Dramamine.  If you have taken it you are probably familiar with the drowsiness that accompanies the relief.  I kept going back and forth until Christian told me that if it was his favorite band he would go.  It breaks my heart that he never went to a concert.  We live in an area of the nation that does not get much action where music is concerned.  He enjoyed listening to Wiz Khalifa, Nas and his favorite musician was Kid Cudi.  After he said that I booked the tickets.

I was nervous and excited as I waited to board the plane.  I even had the song picked out that I would listen to as we took off – “Anywhere” off of the El Pintor album.  We landed safely less than 3 hours later and my sister and brother-in-law picked me up.  Before I knew it, we were in line.  They had a promotion for people who owned a Samsung phone and luckily, my sister had one.  We were able to go to the front of the line!  It was awesome!


You see that Interpol poster behind us?  My sister, the ultimate haggler, talked one of the employees into letting us have two of them!  It was all meant to be!

The opening act, Rey Pila, was awesome.  They are out of New Mexico and they rocked.  The bass in the Ogden is so strong that it literally jars your insides.  I was so pumped to see my favorite band!  When Sam Fogarino, Daniel Kessler and Paul Banks took to the stage I was beside myself!  They sounded exactly how I imagined – AWESOME!  They played a lot of their new music along with my favorites off of their older albums.  Paul Banks sounded incredible, Sam had so much energy on the drums and Daniel Kessler rocked the house on his guitar!

IMG_0129My sister and I had the best time at the concert and we also visited the record store next door.  We had a ball. She found a vintage Pink Panther record and I found some flawless Dean Martin records among others.

IMG_0217The flight home was wonderful.  I listened to my El Pintor album and looked out the window the whole way.  The view was outstanding.


I would have never gone to the concert if it wasn’t for my son.  He lost so much over his last years of life as he dealt with more pain.  I knew that I needed to overcome my fear of flying and just do it.  I had no idea, however, that Christian would pass away exactly a month later on October 27.  Now, whenever I have memories of the concert, I will remember that I did it for him.

The night before Christian passed, he asked me about one of my albums by Paul Banks, Skyscraper.  It was the last music Christian ever talked about with me and he loved so much different music.  When we had to plan his funeral, I included the Madrid Song and On the Esplanade off of the Skyscraper album.  Both songs are beautiful and I understand why Christian mentioned the album.  I made a slideshow and used these two songs and it was absolutely beautiful.


Music is such a large part of our daily lives and it was everything to Christian.  We had to stay home a lot and it helped to brighten many days.  I am thankful to have come across such a wonderful band.  Thank you Paul, Daniel and Sam for expressing yourselves in your music and enriching our lives.

My son

DSCN0086It has been well over a year since my last post.  So much has changed, especially of late.  On October 27, in the early hours of the morning, my oldest son, Christian, went to heaven.  My heart broke into a million pieces that day.

These past weeks have been a blur.  I have felt more pain and emotion than I ever thought possible, sometimes in the span of 5 minutes. I have also felt parts of my soul stir that I didn’t even know existed.  For the first few days, I couldn’t even think straight enough to pray or read scripture.  Thankfully I have been able to focus more and I have made sure to keep God’s Word close by.  I have relied on God more heavily than I have ever before and prayed more than ever.

They say that when we lose someone we love, we are never the same.  We have to adjust to a new normal.  I can honestly say I am not the same. I am broken, tired, confused, angry and lost.  On the other hand, I have felt love grow in my heart – love for Christian, God, my husband and my younger son, Andrew.  You see, Christian was more than a son.  He was my best friend (wow, I just cried for the first time in public).  He was also my rock, my inspiration.  He left me everything that was good about him – good and perfect.  He left me his courage, love, more love, his beautiful smile, his humor and his love of music.  I can hardly listen to a song without thinking of him.

The past year has been difficult but I am thankful for all of it – the constant caregiving, sore legs and feet from standing all day, the fear, aggravation.  It all made me a better person and taught me to enjoy the little, often overlooked things in life – a sparrow on the feeder, the full moon, a funny shaped cloud in the sky or sunlight on the wall.  Christian made me realize that I do not need material possessions to be happy and satisfied.  In Christian’s last year of his life, he only spent less than $100 on himself.  He enjoyed buying gifts for others and watching their expressions when they opened them.  Christian was in a lot of pain the last year and a half of his life and wasn’t able to go out of the house much.  As a result, he read books on his iPhone, played video games (Metroid and racing games were his favorites), listened to some good music and watched movies.  Tom Cruise was his favorite actor and he watched Live, Die, Repeat the weekend before he passed.  His love of NASCAR inspired me to love it too.  I so wanted his favorite driver, Jeff Gordon, to win the Chase but instead I bawled as he duked it out with my driver, Brad Keslowski.  What a mess.

I know that eventually, I will cross the stormy sea of grief and I will surely lean into the storm so I can keep moving ahead.  God will be with me every step of the way.  As I heal, I will be inspired by Christian.  He will always be with me until I see him again.  He is inspiring me to keep listening to music, especially vinyl, start drawing and painting and play the piano again.  He inspires me to continue taking care of myself and my husband and son.  He inspires me to help others and bless others, just as he did every single day of his life.  Not a person came away from Christian without being moved my his love, grace and smile.  I will love him for all time.  I will be posting on my blog more and I hope I will inspire you and move you.  I love you and thank you for reading and I hope a part of Christian will also be with you.