Life – Page 3 – The road less traveled

Jump!

A few days ago, my husband had me watch a video clip of a motivational speech by Steve Harvey of the Family Feud. Steve Harvey video He starts by saying that every successful person has one thing in common. They have all jumped. They took a leap of faith. They realized what their God given gifts were and they jumped in head first.

I truly believe that when each of us enters this world, God blesses us with certain gifts and talents. Some of us may have one, others may have 5 or 10. Once we identify our gifts, we need to jump. Steve Harvey said that the only way we can soar is to jump and pull the cord. Once we do, we have to be determined to keep going through the doubt, rejection and pain. Eventually we will come out on the winning side.

Think about the inventors of the past and how far they had to jump to create the light bulb, the automobile, plastic, or Apple Computers. One of the best biographies I have ever read is on Steve Jobs. Where would we be right now if Bill Gates and Steve Jobs didn’t jump? I wouldn’t be able to share my heart with you on my MacBook or even find a way to deliver it. In reality, most of us are not as brilliant as Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking, but we can make a bigger impact than we think. It wasn’t smooth sailing even for the geniuses of our time. They jumped, overcame and soared.

We are all more capable of making a positive impact than we realize. My son, Christian, wanted to make a difference. He wrote a good part of a spy novel but stopped when his disease started to accelerate. He wasn’t able to join the football team or play basketball but he did play his clarinet until he didn’t have the strength to sit up and cope with the pain. He spent the last 18 months of his life tilted back in his chair but he still hardly ever complained. His courage and grace impacted everyone he came into contact with.

What about the rest of us? What are we capable of? I have come to realize that I have a knack for photography and writing. My sister overcame great obstacles to earn her G.E.D., becoming a volunteer fire fighter and EMT and is now in the best shape of her life. How many lives would have been lost if she never jumped? I encourage you to watch this video and to believe that God fulfills all of his promises. He wants us to soar. At some point, we have to ask ourselves if we are living or simply existing.

535890_2199036831741_1580093076_n — Despite the physical limitations of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, the boys earned their GED’s in 2012.

I can hardly think of a time when God did not get me through difficult times. After we lost Christian, I felt like I was falling, skinning my knees and having my heart ripped out every single day. It’s still not easy, I still have moments when the reality of his death practically knocks me down, but God has helped me up from day one. Steve says that our parachute does not open right away. It most certainly did not for me until recently and it didn’t for my sister either. I am pretty sure that most olympic athletes skinned their knees many times.

I encourage you to jump. Stay with it until you soar. Believe in yourself because God does and I believe in you too. Do it. Jump!

Last sunset of 2015

As the sun started to lower in the sky this afternoon, I couldn’t help thinking that we were approaching the last sunset of 2015. Thin, wave-like clouds stretched across the sky and snow was beginning to melt off of the streets.

The sun is almost completely set now, but I stopped for a few moments and watched the sky change colors and the clouds gather at the horizon. The sun reflected a deep orange onto bare tree limbs and rooftops. I thought about Christian, wishing he could be with us to celebrate the New Year. It was the last sunset of 2015 and I am thankful for witnessing such a spectacular display of color.

2015 was a year of grief, big changes and leaps of faith. I spent a good part of the year accepting the loss of my son, best friend and hero. I spent another good part of the year finally starting to realize that I did my best caring for my son until he went to God. I have come a long way on this long, painful journey and I will feel the hurt for the rest of my life. I have learned to manage with a broken heart and even feel moments of joy despite the loss.

We took a leap of faith when my husband left a very well paying job for his health. A few months later, after over 10 years at home as a full time caregiver, I went to work. Not just at any job, but the company I worked for until I had to leave to take care of my sons in 2005. It blows my mind how things have come full circle. Christian was walking when I left, both of my sons were walking. And now I am back minus one of my boys. Although this realization is painful, I am blessed to be working at the same place with the best group of people I could ask to work with.

I became an aunt again and cried when I saw the first photo of little Damian. I saw my youngest sister as a mother and felt so much love for her.

I am thankful for the healing God has done in my heart, the healing that has taken place in my husband after working harder than anyone I have seen for 14 years, for the blessing of returning to my former employer, becoming an aunt again and for the last sunset of 2015. Big moments and small I am thankful for it all. Corny but it rhymes, right? Birds visiting my feeder, smiles from strangers, the sound of the furnace on a cold night, coffee with a friend, the small simple blessings that filled my days do not go unnoticed as 2016 approaches.

I will set goals for the new year as many of us do but for now, I will focus on the blessings in my life. The simple yet most meaningful blessings.

th-15 — I find so much comfort in mourning doves. I cannot take credit for this wonderful shot.

Happy New Year to all of you and thanks so much for reading my blog!

Hit me Like a Bomb

As I was preparing lunch this afternoon, Hit me Like a Bomb by Third Day came on. Lyrics video From the first time I heard this song, which wasn’t too long after Christian passed away, the lyrics became personal.

You hit me like a bomb
And everything I’m used to
Is suddenly gone
Sorry to accuse you
Do you know what you’ve done
When you hit me like a bomb

Hear the sound of the sirens ringing
See the world of a life that’s changing
Well you hit me like a bomb
I was scared and I started running
Can’t say I never saw it coming
When you hit me like a bomb

(La la la la la la la la…)

You hit me like a bomb
Everything’s changing
It didn’t take long
For you to start rearranging
Everything that I’ve known
When you hit me like a bomb

(lyricsmode.com)

I knew Christian wasn’t doing well. His overall health was declining rapidly over the last 6 months of his life, whether I wanted to see it or not. We knew we had to take him to the doctor and probably the hospital, but we didn’t think we were going to lose him that night almost 10 months ago. When I went into his room to wake him up for the day, I was hit by the biggest bomb ever. Our life as we knew it – forever changed.

I lost my son, my best friend, my hero and my life as I knew it. Everything changed, including how I looked at life. Life is still changing, rearranging. Everything I ever knew up to that point no longer mattered.

As time has moved on, we have been healing in our own ways but we will never be the same. Christian made us appreciate the small things, even something as simple as seeing a bird outside of the window or a spot of sunlight on the wall. Because of him, no matter how much the darkness enfolds me, I will NEVER give up. I have moments when I feel angry and I question God about Christian’s pain and suffering. I remind myself of God’s love, provision, mercy and grace so the anger isn’t able to fester and make me bitter. I would rather heal and live the life Christian so much wanted to live but wasn’t able to.

This song by Third Day has a rock sound to it and plenty of energy. Let me know what you think!

Blog mania

Hello blog world. I hope everyone is having a good weekend! The weather cooled off some in Montana but things are creeping back up into the 90’s again. I filled the bird feeders this morning along with the bird bath and it wasn’t long before I witnessed some sparrows taking a dip.

I wanted to share with you a new format I want to try on my blog. I have wanted to write regularly but sometimes it can be hard to come up with a topic. It seems like the ideas pop into my head when I have nothing to jot them down on – like when I go to the store and forget what I came for. I thought it would be fun to focus on a particular topic on certain days such as Throwback Thursdays or Photography Fridays – just something to dust the cobwebs off of the dark, unused corners of my mind and start being creative again. Later this week I want to share with you how my blog is hopefully going to fit in with a larger goal I have in mind – something people have been encouraging me to do but I have been terrified of. It involves writing a book. That’s all I will say for now.

We are going through quite a bit of change in our household with my husband changing jobs and it’s far too easy to fall into the trap of fear and negativity. I admit that my thinking and my words have not been too positive lately. I miss Christian terribly and going through a major life change almost makes my heart ache more. One thing that helps me through difficult times is to remember all of the good things God has done for us over the years. He has provided us with all of the medical supplies for the boys, the right doctors and resources to ensure that my sons would have the best quality of life we could offer them. The verse I want to share is from John 10:10 (NLT), one of my favorites. Jesus said “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” God’s goodness and abundance is limitless and so is His love for us. He knows we are not perfect but yet He provides. Jesus said himself that He wants us to live a full, satisfying life and He will provide all that we need and more.

I hope you will enjoy my new platform. Some days are busier with doctor appointments and caregiving for my son but I will do my best to say a few words or make sure to the next day. Thank you for reading my blog and have a wonderful week!