Category: Life

Hit me Like a Bomb

As I was preparing lunch this afternoon, Hit me Like a Bomb by Third Day came on.  Lyrics video From the first time I heard this song, which wasn’t too long after Christian passed away, the lyrics became personal.

You hit me like a bomb
And everything I’m used to
Is suddenly gone
Sorry to accuse you
Do you know what you’ve done
When you hit me like a bomb

Hear the sound of the sirens ringing
See the world of a life that’s changing
Well you hit me like a bomb
I was scared and I started running
Can’t say I never saw it coming
When you hit me like a bomb

(La la la la la la la la…)

You hit me like a bomb
Everything’s changing
It didn’t take long
For you to start rearranging
Everything that I’ve known
When you hit me like a bomb

(lyricsmode.com)

I knew Christian wasn’t doing well.  His overall health was declining rapidly over the last 6 months of his life, whether I wanted to see it or not.  We knew we had to take him to the doctor and probably the hospital, but we didn’t think we were going to lose him that night almost 10 months ago.  When I went into his room to wake him up for the day, I was hit by the biggest bomb ever.  Our life as we knew it – forever changed.

I lost my son, my best friend, my hero and my life as I knew it.  Everything changed, including how I looked at life.  Life is still changing, rearranging.  Everything I ever knew up to that point no longer mattered.

As time has moved on, we have been healing in our own ways but we will never be the same.  Christian made us appreciate the small things, even something as simple as seeing a bird outside of the window or a spot of sunlight on the wall.  Because of him, no matter how much the darkness enfolds me, I will NEVER give up.  I have moments when I feel angry and I question God about Christian’s pain and suffering.  I remind myself of God’s love, provision, mercy and grace so the anger isn’t able to fester and make me bitter.  I would rather heal and live the life Christian so much wanted to live but wasn’t able to.

This song by Third Day has a rock sound to it and plenty of energy.  Let me know what you think!

Blog mania

Media_939717811970960904_1430562234

Hello blog world.  I hope everyone is having a good weekend!  The weather cooled off some in Montana but things are creeping back up into the 90’s again.  I filled the bird feeders this morning along with the bird bath and it wasn’t long before I witnessed some sparrows taking a dip.

I wanted to share with you a new format I want to try on my blog.  I have wanted to write regularly but sometimes it can be hard to come up with a topic.  It seems like the ideas pop into my head when I have nothing to jot them down on – like when I go to the store and forget what I came for.  I thought it would be fun to focus on a particular topic on certain days such as Throwback Thursdays or Photography Fridays – just something to dust the cobwebs off of the dark, unused corners of my mind and start being creative again.  Later this week I want to share with you how my blog is hopefully going to fit in with a larger goal I have in mind – something people have been encouraging me to do but I have been terrified of.  It involves writing a book.  That’s all I will say for now.

We are going through quite a bit of change in our household with my husband changing jobs and it’s far too easy to fall into the trap of fear and negativity.  I admit that my thinking and my words have not been too positive lately.  I miss Christian terribly and going through a major life change almost makes my heart ache more.  One thing that helps me through difficult times is to remember all of the good things God has done for us over the years.  He has provided us with all of the medical supplies for the boys, the right doctors and resources to ensure that my sons would have the best quality of life we could offer them.  The verse I want to share is from John 10:10 (NLT), one of my favorites.  Jesus said “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.  My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”  God’s goodness and abundance is limitless and so is His love for us.  He knows we are not perfect but yet He provides.  Jesus said himself that He wants us to live a full, satisfying life and He will provide all that we need and more.

I hope you will enjoy my new platform.  Some days are busier with doctor appointments and caregiving for my son but I will do my best to say a few words or make sure to the next day.  Thank you for reading my blog and have a wonderful week!