New Roads Ahead

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As 2016 came to a close, I made a choice to let go of the past and keep my sights on what lies ahead.  I decided to do my best to only look back if I needed to smile or laugh.  I always love the prospect of a new beginning, a fresh start to the new year.  I have never been one to make New Year’s resolutions; however, I believe in the power of intention and adopting new and empowering beliefs.

When we make a resolution for the new year or a new intention, what if we were to begin by believing that we are enough just as we are, that we are loved more than we could ever imagine or that we are worthy of the best things in life?

Rather than focus on the pain and difficulty of 2016, I want to take the lessons learned as well as the joyful memories.  I have learned the importance of gratitude, acceptance and compassion.  With each passing day without my son, I realize more and more how precious life is – a gift to be cherished and enjoyed.

The other morning, I came across the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi.  I decided that the words of this prayer would mirror my New Year’s resolution.

francis-of-assisi_lr-2-900This prayer is an antidote to depression because it helps us to look outside of ourselves and in doing so, we may realize that our problems are not as monumental as they seem.  It also reminds us that by serving and loving others, we become God’s hands and feet.

Thank you for reading my blog in 2016.  I hope to post more frequently and most of all I hope to bring a ray of sunshine to someone’s day.  I hope you had a wonderful New Years and wish you a prosperous 2017!

Last sunset of 2015

As the sun started to lower in the sky this afternoon, I couldn’t help thinking that we were approaching the last sunset of 2015.  Thin, wave-like clouds stretched across the sky and snow was beginning to melt off of the streets.

The sun is almost completely set now, but I stopped for a few moments and watched the sky change colors and the clouds gather at the horizon.  The sun reflected a deep orange onto bare tree limbs and rooftops.  I thought about Christian, wishing he could be with us to celebrate the New Year.  It was the last sunset of 2015 and I am thankful for witnessing such a spectacular display of color.

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2015 was a year of grief, big changes and leaps of faith.  I spent a good part of the year accepting the loss of my son, best friend and hero.  I spent another good part of the year finally starting to realize that I did my best caring for my son until he went to God.  I have come a long way on this long, painful journey and I will feel the hurt for the rest of my life.  I have learned to manage with a broken heart and even feel moments of joy despite the loss.

We took a leap of faith when my husband left a very well paying job for his health.  A few months later, after over 10 years at home as a full time caregiver, I went to work.  Not just at any job, but the company I worked for until I had to leave to take care of my sons in 2005.  It blows my mind how things have come full circle.  Christian was walking when I left, both of my sons were walking.  And now I am back minus one of my boys.  Although this realization is painful, I am blessed to be working at the same place with the best group of people I could ask to work with.

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I became an aunt again and cried when I saw the first photo of little Damian.  I saw my youngest sister as a mother and felt so much love for her.

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Sonja and Damian

I am thankful for the healing God has done in my heart, the healing that has taken place in my husband after working harder than anyone I have seen for 14 years, for the blessing of returning to my former employer, becoming an aunt again and for the last sunset of 2015.  Big moments and small I am thankful for it all.  Corny but it rhymes, right?  Birds visiting my feeder, smiles from strangers, the sound of the furnace on a cold night, coffee with a friend, the small simple blessings that filled my days do not go unnoticed as 2016 approaches.

I will set goals for the new year as many of us do but for now, I will focus on the blessings in my life.  The simple yet most meaningful blessings.

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I find so much comfort in mourning doves.  I cannot take credit for this wonderful shot.

 

Happy New Year to all of you and thanks so much for reading my blog!