Last sunset of 2015

As the sun started to lower in the sky this afternoon, I couldn’t help thinking that we were approaching the last sunset of 2015.  Thin, wave-like clouds stretched across the sky and snow was beginning to melt off of the streets.

The sun is almost completely set now, but I stopped for a few moments and watched the sky change colors and the clouds gather at the horizon.  The sun reflected a deep orange onto bare tree limbs and rooftops.  I thought about Christian, wishing he could be with us to celebrate the New Year.  It was the last sunset of 2015 and I am thankful for witnessing such a spectacular display of color.

2015 was a year of grief, big changes and leaps of faith.  I spent a good part of the year accepting the loss of my son, best friend and hero.  I spent another good part of the year finally starting to realize that I did my best caring for my son until he went to God.  I have come a long way on this long, painful journey and I will feel the hurt for the rest of my life.  I have learned to manage with a broken heart and even feel moments of joy despite the loss.

We took a leap of faith when my husband left a very well paying job for his health.  A few months later, after over 10 years at home as a full time caregiver, I went to work.  Not just at any job, but the company I worked for until I had to leave to take care of my sons in 2005.  It blows my mind how things have come full circle.  Christian was walking when I left, both of my sons were walking.  And now I am back minus one of my boys.  Although this realization is painful, I am blessed to be working at the same place with the best group of people I could ask to work with.

I became an aunt again and cried when I saw the first photo of little Damian.  I saw my youngest sister as a mother and felt so much love for her.

I am thankful for the healing God has done in my heart, the healing that has taken place in my husband after working harder than anyone I have seen for 14 years, for the blessing of returning to my former employer, becoming an aunt again and for the last sunset of 2015.  Big moments and small I am thankful for it all.  Corny but it rhymes, right?  Birds visiting my feeder, smiles from strangers, the sound of the furnace on a cold night, coffee with a friend, the small simple blessings that filled my days do not go unnoticed as 2016 approaches.

I will set goals for the new year as many of us do but for now, I will focus on the blessings in my life.  The simple yet most meaningful blessings.

Happy New Year to all of you and thanks so much for reading my blog!

Author: lhaney

Mother of 2 great boys, full time caregiver, and wife. I enjoy reading, photography and music. View all posts by lhaney