My grandmother of 92 years is in hospice care. I drove over to see her last week and was taken aback by how frail she looked. As I sat next to her and talked to her, I kept looking at her hands. I thought of everything her hands accomplished during her life – raising three boys; taking care of a home; breeding and raising beagles; growing, picking, and canning massive amounts of vegetables every year; shooting and processing deer every year; raising and caring for rabbits; boarding dogs; creating art and building things; and living a full life. Her hands became still on her blanket as she slept, and I watched her hands raising up and down to match her breathing as I thought of everything they accomplished during her life.
Grandma only said what needed to be said and she said it with truth and boldness. I honestly cannot remember her ever making small talk. The funniest thing I remember hearing her say to date was about a woman sitting in the waiting room with her as she waited for the eye doctor: “She talked and talked for 30 minutes and didn’t say a thing.” Grandma listened and I know this because she always had a remedy or an idea for just about anything. When Dave had to go into the hospital for a stomach ulcer, her advice was to have him eat some lamb. When I wrote to her about our finches and the eggs that were being laid, she gave me tips on caring for a female that was having a hard time passing the eggs. I told grandma once how much I enjoyed hearing chickadees and she told me that she always knew when a deer was around because the chickadees would start chirping. I am thankful for every moment I have had with her and I will always try to follow her example in many areas of my life.
Equally amazing is my sister and our good friend, both of whom are caring for my grandma. The sacrifices they are making, the dedication, and the love they are pouring out for her truly humbles me beyond words.
We are not here on this earth just to exist, waiting for Friday every week and dreading Mondays. We are here to love, create, serve, worship, lift others up, and bless one another. One of the greatest gifts God gives us is the opportunity to care for others – whether it is hands on caregiving, offering a smile to a stranger or encouragement to a co-worker, donating our time or resources to people in need or simply being who God created us to be with no fear holding us back – only holy boldness and beautiful hands.
As I look out the window at the last day of 2017, I am thankful for the beauty and perfection on display. The snow is deep and smooth and it covers everything in a graceful blanket of white. The sky is a soft blue with whispy clouds and the birds gently eat at the feeders.
Like many, I am ready to say goodbye to this year and hello to 2018. I have never been one for resolutions or crash diets, but I do look forward to a new beginning. I am ready to leave the difficulties of this year behind and carry with me the lessons learned and the things God has blessed me with into 2018. God has blessed me with His strength and mercy every single morning that I opened my eyes. His Word has given me guidance through difficulties and challenges and has given me comfort on my most painful days. He has given me a loving, supportive husband and a wonderful son. I was a bride’s maid in my niece’s wedding this past summer, and my husband and I were able to take a long overdue vacation to sunny California. God has given me His comfort when I missed my son the most – if I would wake up dreaming that Christian is still with us or if I dreamt of losing him again. I have learned the importance of balance and rest of the mind, body and soul and how loving ourselves is the foundation to everything in our lives. By loving ourselves, we become more open to receiving the love of God. God pours His love into our hearts until they overflow so we can in turn love others.
What are my intentions for the new year?
To love even more…
To thank God for each new day and for the miracles He so graciously bestows upon us…
To invest in the gifts God has given me so I can bless others with them…
To serve others more…
To do more to brighten another’s day, whether it’s a smile, holding open the door, letting a vehicle go ahead of me in traffic or sending a greeting card or letter…
To keep my thoughts centered on the good things in life while letting go of the rest…
Each day is a new beginning, a chance to enjoy God’s mercy and love while experiencing His goodness which He promises us in His Word. I wish all of you a peaceful, blessed 2018 and that all your hopes and dreams come to life while love flourishes in your hearts and daily lives.
As 2016 came to a close, I made a choice to let go of the past and keep my sights on what lies ahead. I decided to do my best to only look back if I needed to smile or laugh. I always love the prospect of a new beginning, a fresh start to the new year. I have never been one to make New Year’s resolutions; however, I believe in the power of intention and adopting new and empowering beliefs.
When we make a resolution for the new year or a new intention, what if we were to begin by believing that we are enough just as we are, that we are loved more than we could ever imagine or that we are worthy of the best things in life?
Rather than focus on the pain and difficulty of 2016, I want to take the lessons learned as well as the joyful memories. I have learned the importance of gratitude, acceptance and compassion. With each passing day without my son, I realize more and more how precious life is – a gift to be cherished and enjoyed.
The other morning, I came across the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. I decided that the words of this prayer would mirror my New Year’s resolution.
This prayer is an antidote to depression because it helps us to look outside of ourselves and in doing so, we may realize that our problems are not as monumental as they seem. It also reminds us that by serving and loving others, we become God’s hands and feet.
Thank you for reading my blog in 2016. I hope to post more frequently and most of all I hope to bring a ray of sunshine to someone’s day. I hope you had a wonderful New Years and wish you a prosperous 2017!
Laundry. Something that never goes away. Just when we think we are all caught up, in the blink of an eye it’s “five feet high and rising”. Whether it’s something we do once a week or once a day, we usually do not look forward to it.
During Christian’s last year his care took more time and so did the laundry. It was something I had the hardest time keeping up with. I had a system worked out but as caregiving demands grew, time to do laundry became scarce. When I folded the boys’ clothes, I always had 6 pairs of pants, 6 shirts, etc. The number of any item of the boys that I folded was always an even set number. When Christian passed away last October, one of the hardest things for me to do, along with setting the table and setting out pills, was laundry. The reasons, of course, were completely different. For one thing, it was easier and took less time because there was less clothes. What was once even and in sets of 6 became odd and in sets of 3. This made me feel guilty. For another, I missed folding his clothes: His Jeff Gordon t-shirt which he wore every race day, his Call of Duty shirt which I always liked the feel of and I thought looked great on him and all of his Star Wars shirts. Christian’s Star Wars shirts defined what he was most passionate about, which defined him.
Today when I folded the darks, I had 3 shirts and 3 pairs of pants. I began to feel sad but felt a little better when I looked up at Christian’s Samus (from Super Metroid) poster that I hung up above the folding table. I realized that I was thankful that I still had Drew’s and Dave’s clothes to launder and as long as I am washing them and folding them, it means they are still in my life. Maybe laundry wouldn’t be such a chore if we viewed it as an act of love.