My Comeback

I would like to start this post by thanking everyone who hung in there while I was on a nearly 5 year hiatus. I am so happy to be able to start posting again, even if I have to take baby steps. God bless you all and thank you so much!

Photo by George Dolgikh on Pexels.com

In May of 2017, I developed a neurological condition called Spasmodic Torticollis, also known as Cervical Dystonia. After trying unsuccessfully to ease the spasms and pulling with Botox, my condition worsened and I became very sick. This condition took a wrecking ball to every area of my life. I was no longer able to use my computer, read, write, apply makeup or do anything that required my head to be still. Even sitting became nearly impossible, as well as being able to relax and lie still.

Thanks to the good Lord, I came across information about the Spasmodic Torticollis Recovery Clinic in New Mexico. I started a remote program of massage, stretches, weight exercises, dietary guidelines, and attitude work over four years ago today. Like many things that we set out to do, my recovery has taken much longer than I thought and been far more difficult than anything I have every done.

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During the first two years of doing the program, I thought for sure it would only take two years at the most to recover. Boy, was I in for a surprise. It took until recently for me to understand why God is taking so much longer than I thought to help me win this battle of battles. God didn’t just want to heal me physically. God wants me to be whole. He wants to heal my spirit, soul, heart, and mind. I tried many things during the first three years of my journey, like trying to make things happen in my own timing. All that did was prolong the process and even put me on an 18 month long detour.

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I look forward to sharing with you the things I have learned. Things such as patience, perseverence, trusting in God’s timing and ways, overcoming fear and others. I would have never learned so many of the things I did if I would not have developed Torticollis

I am excited to report that I am about 95 percent recovered! Once I reach full recovery, I will develop a maintenance routine and continue most of what I currently do; however, on a much smaller, more manageable scale. Next will be stepping back into my life, which I am currently working on in small, baby steps. I am hoping to be able to make more consistent blog posts in the near future, but until then, I will do what I can each day and each week.

Am I the same person I was before I lost my health? I think that anyone who has also had to deal with a chronic illness would say, I am definately not the same, but better. Thank you so much for your time and I look forward to beginning my life again!

Photo by Rolanda de Wet on Pexels.com

A Walk in the Park

Yesterday I decided to go on a walk for the first time in almost 2 years.  I used to walk often before my sons started needing more help with their care.  I read in several places that exercise is helpful when we are grieving.  I ignored the urge to go walk a few times since Christian passed away but I wasn’t able to ignore it this time.  I completed the book series we read together, the Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices by Cassandra Clare (blog post on that coming later), so I no longer had an excuse.  I settled on Gibson Park.  At first I didn’t want to because that is the last place I went with Christian during his last week with us.

IMG_0999I couldn’t figure out why Christian kept asking me to stay by his side, but it all makes sense now.  As weak as his arms were he was still able to feed one of the geese.

IMG_0991At first, I looked around the park and everything looked exactly how I felt, hollow and sad.  The Chinook winds have been blowing for a few days so most of the snow has melted, revealing the trampled, soggy grass underneath.  My heart began to lift when I noticed some mallard ducks right along the walking path.  The geese were gathered around people who were feeding them.  As I rounded the second bend on my lap around the park I heard chickadees – “chick a dee dee dee dee”.  If you have ever heard them then you know exactly how cheery they sound and how uplifting it is to hear their call.  I started snapping shots on my iPhone.  Someone did a wonderful job carving this turtle out of a tree trunk.  I also noticed the lamps

IMG_0349that had been put up since I had last walked at Gibson Park.  I started to see beauty among the ashes of the winter storms we experienced over the last couple of months.

IMG_0353 A little ways further and a friendly squirrel ran up to me and started scampering around me in circles.  He looked at me like he was expecting a peanut.  I looked around and noticed the little fellas were running and playing all over the park.

IMG_0362As my walk came to a close and my car came into view, I started feeling lighter.  I knew that to do the things that bring me joy and peace are the things that honor Christian.  I plan on continuing my walks and I hope to encounter more critters that I can take photos of and share with you all!